A loved one named Helen asked me this week to expand on the term "judgment" for her. She opened up the discussion after I told her a testimony about a friend whom I just found out had had a ten year long affair. I related to Helen that my reaction to the news about the affair was that I was very disappointed in the friend.
The point of my telling Helen the story was to tell her the insight that the Holy Spirit gave to me about how my disappointment in my friend had quickly turned into judgment. In fact, my disappointment had immediately made the left hand turn into judgment, judgment of him that he had disappointed me and had caused a breakup of a family that I had considered an ideal family.
I had stewed in the teapot of disappointment for a few days before I realized that it was affecting me emotionally. I knew that I needed to pray for the male friend and his wife, who are both local civic leaders.
It was during that evening of concentrated prayers for the two of them that the words of God came to my mind that released me from the judgment that had originated in thoughts of disappointment. God reminded me of the background of the friend, and God told me that because of the friend's background that the actions of his years long affair were normal in his mind. I had forgotten that his mom had done the same thing for years and that the situation had benefited her and her boys because the man involved with his mom had supplied many things that the mom could never have supplied. So that was the programming for my friend, that it was normal behavior.
With that insight from the past, I was able to immediately release my friend from the disappointment/judgment that I had for him. I was able to let him go from my disapproval which would have surely emanated from me had I seen him at some social or business affair. With God's insight into the matter, I could understand my friend and his motivation and I could love him with an understanding heart. I could offer my love and help to him instead of a disapproving attitude or even an attitude of indifference toward him, which both had been seated in my disappointment/ judgment of him. I was free, because of God's insight, to love him since the disappointment and judgment were gone.
When I was telling the story to Helen, her reaction was an interesting one. An instant opposition to what I was saying was apparent, although it was a loving one. She asked that I explain judgment to her, because she never understood what I meant in my writings when I wrote that God says not to judge, that he says to forgive everyone for their offenses.
I was taken aback, wondering how many other people were stuck in the same demonic blinding in their lack of understanding of the very things that Jesus taught so many times.
As Helen continued to speak, it became apparent that she thought that saying that we must not judge people meant that we approved of their sins, their wrong choices, their iniquities, their law breaking, etc. She fully understood the fact that we must separate the sin from the sinner, but she was under the mistaken impression that refusing to judge him meant that we approved of the very misdeeds that plunged him into the unpleasant situation in which he found himself.
Helen and I discussed the insight that refusing to judge someone means that we release them from our condemnation, our disgust, our disapproval, our disappointment so that we can love them like God loves them, unconditionally, regardless of their actions. It means that we understand temptations because we are faced with them every day, and we understand the hereditary or experiential motivation of the person; and because we understand we can extend love and acceptance and help to them when we are in their presence.
True and godly compassion means that we understand and we extend love rather than condemnation.
Unfortunately every one of our actions sow seeds and those seeds will return to us. So every action, good or evil, has it's own results. We don't need to add our punishment to it. My friend's affair has already returned plants to him from the seeds that he planted, judging him by them. His family is broken. His children oppose him. His reputation is tainted. His wife has left him. He has suffered loss in many areas.
Now I can be compassionate toward him because of his losses. How fleshly of me to have had thoughts of disappointment and judgment of him, adding to his losses of my wanting to withdraw my friendship from him. Now that God has given me understanding and insight into the situation I can shower everyone involved in the situation with love and understanding instead of disappointment and judgment.
Helen is musing and meditating on the truths that we discussed. By speaking the insights that she got from our discussion, she was able to understand that forgiveness and lack of judgment has nothing to do with approval of something we consider evil, but it has everything to do with understanding and loving unconditionally regardless of the actions of others.
God does the same towards us. He lives in us, so He extends the same grace to others through us that He does toward us, covering everyone with love which smothers out even a multitude of sins and trespasses. Yes, God's love for me by His explaining to me my friend's motivation for his affair covered my disappointment and judgment of my friend and set me free from condemnation of him. The results were freedom for me and freedom for my friend from my judgment of him. Now I'm free and I can pray for his freedom.
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